Camping with small group

Our small group went camping Friday evening and had a great time. Now, I must admit, I didn't really want to go at first. It has been a crazy couple of weeks (family wedding, school project for son, husband in Haiti for five days, and a large special section I had to put together at the paper). It was just one thing after another. You know how that is. You complete one task but even before you complete it you are focusing on what you have to do next. And I would be going without my husband while everyone else was a couple. But I had said I would go, so I went.

I'm really glad I did. We are very blessed to be part of a wonderful small group. We may not have the deepest of Bible studies, but we have great fellowship and sometimes we all need that. Especially as a pastor and pastor's wife. This a group we can really be ourselves with. That's often hard to find.

We camped at Mammoth Cave National Park. There nine adults and nine children, ages four to 14. We cooked out over the fire, went to a Ranger program, made smores and just sat under the evening sky and talked and laughed. After two crazy weeks it was nice to just sit back and relax and not worry about what needed to be done. My major concern was roasting my marshmallow to perfection! The next day some went canoeing and others went caving. We all had fun, though the canoe group was pretty exhausted after a long trip. I went on a cave tour with my daughter and a friend and her young son. When we got back to the campsite we just sat and talked while the kids played in the dirt. Very nice.

I'm glad I went camping. It was a great experience for the kids, me and our group. We have memories we will share forever. Those are the kind of things that bind a group together.

So, there are a couple of things to talk about here. First, do you have a small group you are a part of? Tell me about it. Or, do you camp? If so, give me some advice on how to and where to. We had never camped as a family before outside of setting up the tent in a yard, so we're very new at this. We a few in our group who were campers, so that helped. But I'd like to go more often as a family.

Thanking God for my small group and our fun time camping,

Pam

 1 Comments posted by: Pam Cassady on September 29th, 2008

Blog tour with Rebecca Powell

Hey Ladies,

Last year I had the opportunity to meet a woman named Rebecca Powell. She came to lead a conference for middle school age girls in our county and I did a story on that event for our newspaper. I’ve kept in touch with Rebecca since then and have really come to respect and admire her. She has a heart for God and for a passion for reaching middle schoolers and helping parents relate to them.
If you read the magazine ParentLife, you may have read her monthly column, “A Mom’s Life.” She has also been published many other places and has written books and Bible studies. Her newest book, Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose, is designed to help parents navigate the turbulent middle school years.  
I’m only starting to glimpse the craziness that goes along with those years as my oldest is now 10 and will be in middle school next year, but as I’ve talked with Rebecca, I’ve realized I better get ready now!
I’m really pleased to be a part of Rebecca’s blog tour to promote her new book. You can learn more about her and order her book at her website, www.rebeccapowell.com. In addition to being a writer, speaker and mom, Rebecca is also a minister’s wife. I asked her a few questions about the unique challenges faced by those in the ministry when parenting a middle schooler. Here is what she had to say…
PAM: How can I encourage my middle schooler to stay connected to Christ and
involved in church activities when he is being pulled in so many other
directions? (Let's just start with a hard one!)
 
RIP (Rebecca Ingram Powell): Be sure you are focused on helping your child establish his own daily
quiet time. This is an age when we as parents need to back off and let our
child begin to assume some responsibility for his own faith. Bible studies
(I have some for this age at my website www.rebeccapowell.com) that he can do on
his own are critical for this age. You provide the time and the space and
the encouragement to “Go have your quiet time” (My daughter calls it her
“God time.”), and then you back off. Check in once a week to see what he’s
learning, and ask what God is teaching. You can also encourage your child by
being diligent with your own God time and talking openly about what the Lord
is teaching you.
 
PAM: My middle schooler wants to let his hair grow long (or for a girl, get a
funky haircut) and I'm worried about what the congregation will think. What
do I do?
 
RIP: Wow, Pam! I can see both sides of this question. Not only can I speak
from my experience as a Preacher’s Kid (PK), but now, with a husband in
ministry (Rich serves bi-vocationally as the minister of missions at our
church), I know firsthand what it’s like to worry about what the
congregation will think! And I believe that’s where we go wrong!
 As Christian parents, we need to place our first concern with what God
thinks. We need to go to Him with every parenting question. In this
particular example, I think the bottom line must be your relationship with
your children. I know lots of PKs who, when they were growing up, felt that
the church came first. If the church comes first, then our priorities are
out of order. God comes first—absolutely-- but God and the church are not one
and the same! For those in pastoral positions, the church represents 1) the
fellowship of believers, and 2) our life’s work. It is not God.
 For our middle schoolers, who spend so much of their time concerned about
what everybody else thinks, we parents need to be the ones that show them a
better way of living! When we value how our life and character appear before
God, we are showing our children a pure heart.
 The other thing I would point out is that as a parent, after God, I care
what my kids think. And I’m not talking about my parental actions being
dictated by whether or not my children like me. The truth is, they are not
always going to like what I do! However, I do care what they think and what
they truly KNOW about me. I love them unconditionally. If I have a child who
wants to grow his hair because he wants to prove he is a rebel and hang out
with a defiant crowd, then this request has become a heart issue. I need to
find out what is going on in my child’s heart. On the other hand, if I have
an artistic child who wants to experiment with fashion and do something
crazy with her hair, well, hair grows back! But tell a middler that you
don’t want her doing something because of what the church members will
think, and it will take a long time for that relationship to grow back.
 
PAM: Say a family has just accepted a call to another church far from their current location.
Their middle schooler is very upset about leaving her friends and starting a
new school. How can the family help her make that transition?
 
RIP: This is exactly what happened to me! I share in  Season of Change about how my family moved across the state right before my sixth grade year. If you find that your family is in this position, your middler needs to know the how’s
and the why’s of what went into the decision you made. If your family has
been called (and if God calls Daddy, He calls everybody), then let your
child in on those details. How did God confirm it? How do you know this is
what you are supposed to do? Middle schoolers are old enough for you to
share how God led you to make the decision you are making, and it is
important for them to understand that you, the parent, “know that you know
that you know” that this is what God wants. Then you need to continually
bathe everything in prayer, and ask God to do the things for your child that
you can’t, such as leading her to friends, getting her in the right classes,
and helping her to trust Him. What you don’t ever want to do is minimize the
trauma of a move or its real effect on your child emotionally and
socially-- which can even play out in stress-related physical issues.
 
PAM: My middle schooler says some of his friends treat him differently or don't
include him in certain things because he is the preacher's kid. How can I
help him deal with this?
RIP: Whatever you do, don’t dismiss it. It’s true. When I was around 15
years old, I asked the boy who lived across the street from me why no one
ever asked me out. He looked at me as though I was a complete idiot. “Your
dad’s a preacher,” he said, with a DUH! look on his face. Uhmmm, so that
meant I had the plague?
 For some kids, they simply feel left out. It isn’t so much that they want to
be included in the activities they are being left out of, it’s just that
they long to be invited. For some, however, this is an open invitation to
“proving” something. It nudges a defiance within them that wants to “show
everybody” that they are just as daring, just as reckless, and just as cool
as whatever group they want to be part of. Now we’re back to a heart issue.
Find out what’s really going on.
 
Practically speaking, be sure your home is open. Your house needs to be the
fun house-- no matte r how big or small it is. Your kid’s friends need to see
that you and especially your husband are real people and they need to see
that in a home environment. Teach your child to be an “includer.”
Plus, the Christian life is full of opportunities for daring, risky, cool
things! A life of adventure in Christ is what we should be showing our kids,
especially as they get to the middle school years. One of the main elements
of HYPERLINK "http://www.rebeccapowell.com/season.html" Season of Change
is challenging parents to focus on their child’s gifts and then get them
“out there” doing it. Keep them busy doing things they love, and the
same-ol’-same-ol’ teen scene won’t be quite as appealing.
 
PAM: My husband is always busy with church things and sometimes the kids feel
like he doesn't have much time for them. How can I encourage him to become
more involved and connected?
 
RIP: I think that we need to spend a lot of time praying for our husbands.
Pray for them to keep their priorities straight. And pray for them to pray!
Pastors have so much on their plates, and it takes a great deal of
discipline for them to cling to their daily quiet time. But it’s essential.
They have to. However, as wives, we can also step up to the plate on their
behalf, and we should-- diligently.
 Clear off a few nights a week and let him know that it is family night and
you are not going to budge on it. No cell phone, no interruptions! Encourage
him to “date” his kids; this is a concept explained fully in HYPERLINK
"http://www.rebeccapowell.com/season.html" Season of Change . Remind him
that your family sets an example for all the church families. Remind him
that these children running around your house are rapidly disappearing and
being replaced by teenagers. And before you know it, those teens will be out
of the house, too. Some things can wait, but parenting isn’t one of them.
If these insights helped you out, you really need to check out Rebecca’s book. And if you have any thoughts, comments or questions, post them here. Whether your child is an infant, toddler or preteen, he or she will go through these middle school years eventually and I know I need all the help I can get to be ready for that time!

 

 1 Comments posted by: Pam Cassady on September 16th, 2008

Not enough hours...

I've been feeling very frustrated lately. I feel like there's never enough
time to do what I need to do, let alone what I want to do. The morning is
always a rush of getting myself and the kids up and out the door for work
and school. Get their clothes, get their lunches, get my lunch, get ready to
go. Then I'm at work all day and get home around 5, sometimes 4:30. On a
night with nothing else going on it's make them do their homework, fix
dinner, and do whatever needs to be done around the house (laundry, dishes,
straighten messes, pay bills). Then there is bath time, reading and the kids
are off to bed. Then I continue doing whatever needs to be done before
collapsing into bed. Of course, other nights are a little more hectic with
activities like Wednesday night church and gymnastics.
Now, I know I have a good life and we are blessed. We have a nice home,
plenty of food, and are basically healthy. I know a lot of people have more
hectic schedules than mine. But somehow my daily routine just isn't where I
want it to be. If you noticed one thing that was not mentioned was prayer
time or Bible study time. I guess those things just get thrown in, if
possible, after the kids are in bed. That's not right. And where is the time
to play a game with the kids, or go to the park or just sit and watch them
play or listen to them. Sure, I do those things sometimes, but I want to
make more time for that. And what about a family Bible time. That's
something my husband has talked about a lot but we've never done, except
maybe a little around Christmas.
I want a slower pace. I want time to enjoy my family, my home, and my
relationship with God. The thing is, I don't know how to get there. I
recently read the book "Chasing Skinny Rabbits." It is about the many
"skinny rabbit" trails we follow in life. These trails take us away from the
path God has for us and leave us feeling drained and depressed and bring us
no joy in the end. I'm trying to take a look at all the things I do and
determine if I'm on any skinny rabbit trails and figure out how to get off.
Part of that is looking at how I spend my time and trying to see if I can
get rid of any activities or responsibilities or if there is anything that
is taking my time that I should give up.
Why is it that everyone is so busy these days? With all the modern
conveniences we have, it seems like life should be easier and more relaxed,
but I doubt many would say that it truly is.
I hope I've not rambled too much. It's just this has been on my mind lately
and I am perplexed as to what to do. I have a feeling I'm not the only one
who often thinks "there are just not enough hours in the day."
If you are feeling the same or similar frustrations, let me know. And if you
have any thoughts on how to improve the situation, I'd love to hear that as
well.
Trying to stay on track,
Pam
P.S. Our women's Sunday school class is starting a book called "Running Nowhere in Every Direction." Title really hits home, I'm anxious to get started.

 10 Comments posted by: Pam Cassady on September 2nd, 2008

Here’s to dreaming!

On the last post, "Olympic Moments," we kind of talked about our own dreams in life. Sometimes we get so caught up in living that we forget about things that we have always wanted to do. That happens to everybody, not just ministers' wives, but sometimes we may be more likely to ignore our own goals as we help our husbands follow theirs.

At the Super Saturday session for MWs Saturday, we got to sharing a bit at the end about some things we would like to do in life and I wanted to continue that discussion and the one started here.

I want to know what you want to do in life. Some things may be silly. I shared with the ladies Saturday that I would like to harvest cranberries. They looked at me like I was crazy. I don't want to do it for a career, just once. It looks very peaceful and refreshing to be standing in a flooded field herding the berries. (Surely you've seen those Ocean Spray commercials) Anyway, another woman chimed in that she would like to drive a semi (just once) and another said she would like to ride in a hot air balloon (not just up and down but actually go somewhere). Those are the kind of little things I'm talking about. So, tell us something you'd like to do.

Other dreams may be more serious, life-changing goals. Maybe you want to go back to college. Maybe you want to get you GED. Maybe you've always wanted to go overseas, just for fun or on a mission trip. Maybe you enjoyed art as a young person and always wanted to do something with that talent but chose a more practical profession instead. Many of us have hidden talents and dreams. Why not let them out sometimes? I have lots of things I'd like to do. I love to write fiction and would love to do that more often. I do want to travel. I've always wanted to go to England. I'd also like to go on an overseas mission trip. I want to know some things you all would like to do.

I was reading somewhere that if you write down things you want to accomplish in life, you are way more likely to do those things. Make a life list. Include some things that are fairly easy to do (maybe learn the constellations, read a New York Times bestseller or learn to crochet). Add in some that will take more work (learn to play an instrument, further your education, learn a new skill). And include some that may seem way out there (go on an Alaskan cruise, publish a book, run a marathon).

The Bible says Jesus came so that we might have life and have it abundantly. Here's to living life to it's fullest, and, as Dawn said on the last post, "Here's to dreaming!"

Pam

 7 Comments posted by: Pam Cassady on August 24th, 2008

Olympic moments

I love to watch the Olympics. Have since I was little. There are so many amazing and inspiring stories at the Olympics. This year I have enjoyed watching Michael Phelps win 8 golds in one Olympics (a record). But even more I'd have to say I've enjoyed watching Darra Torres compete in swimming. She's 41 years old and a mother. She's in amazing (amazing) shape! Though she didn't get gold, she only missed it by 1/100th of a second. In an interview after the race, she was asked something like what will she tell her daughter, now 2, about her experience at this Olympics. She ended by saying something like You're never to old to follow your dreams.

Watching her has really been inspiring to me. I'm at an age now (37) that when I watch the Olympics, I realize I'm old enough to be the mother of some athletes. When I was a child, I remember thinking "Hey, wouldn't it be cool to be in the Olympics." Now, I find myself thinking, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool to watch your child in the Olympics." Sometimes that change in thinking makes me feel old. Then along comes Darra Torres. She's older than me. And there have been a couple of others I've seen that are in their 30s and 40s. I love them all. I root for those older Olympians no matter where they are from. I think the lady who won the marathon was 30-something.

Now, I'm not saying I think I can make it to the Olympics. But Darra's accomplishments and her words have reminded me that I can still follow my dreams. In following my dreams, I'm also talking about following and doing God's will for my life. I think one thing that distinguishes the Olympic athletes from others is that they are very focused on what they are doing and what they want to accomplish. In my life, I feel sometimes like I am just running around taking care of all the little things that need to be done instead of trying to focus on one big thing? Do you know what I mean? And I think maybe it's often hard for ministers' wives to follow their own dreams. Sometimes we are so busy supporting our husbands as they follow their call (which must surely trump our dreams), that we lose focus of what we have wanted out of life. Or maybe we get busy working in the church or taking care of the kids. Hard to stay focused when there is so much to be done.

I'm not saying that supporting your husband in the ministry, working in the church or taking care of your children are bad things. They are great things. But I know that sometimes I feel like I've lost sight of some things that I would like to do. God has a plan for me and I want to make sure I don't lose sight of that. I know I have at times, but I was recently reminded that I'm not too old to follow my dreams and that is important to remember.

Enjoying the Olympics

Pam

 4 Comments posted by: Pam Cassady on August 17th, 2008