You know as a pastor's wife, there are just some phrases you don't want to hear, while there are others you long to hear. I'm sure we've each got our own little personal list, but some of the phrases may be universal. One clever pastor's wife came up with a David Letterman-like Top Ten List of The Top Ten Things Every Pastor's Wife Loves to Hear. The creator of this list is Michelle Chitwood. Her husband is pastor of FBC Mt. Washington. She led a break-out session at Shepherding the Shepherd. This list really struck a chord with many of us. We laughed and cried as we discussed the phrases and what they mean in our lives. I asked Michelle if I could use her list on this blog and she said yes, so here goes.
10.) On our date night I just need to make a few hospital visits.
9.) I think I should go back to seminary.l
8.) It's funny how God always calls a pastor to a church that pays more.
7.) I noticed your family went to bed early last night.
6.) I can't believe the pastor's wife would do (or say or think) that.
5.) If it were my child I would want to know.
4.) Are you visiting with us today?
3.) I have been asked to do a funeral/wedding/baptism.
2.) Dear Lord, thank you for our pastor and his family.
1.) Well done my good and faithful servant.
Obviously, some things on the list we really do want to hear and others, not so much. Number 9 was familiar to me. I thought my husband would never get out of seminary and when he did he started talking about going back. He hasn't mentioned it in a while, thank goodness.
So tell me which ones resonate with you? Funny or serious. Or add your own to our list.
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posted by: Pam Cassady on February 1st, 2010
Well, here I am sitting in my comfy bed at the Hilton in Lexington in the midst of enjoying the Shepherding the Shepherd conference. Let me just say, if you are a pastor’s wife and you are not here right now, you need to tell your husband to sign you up for next year. We’ve been here since noon and have already met up with many friends, eaten lots of good food and enjoyed great times of praise and worship and teaching. During the evening session a little while ago, I was thinking back to the other times we’ve been here. We’ve come to this conference in many different stages and situations in our lives and ministry.
The first year we came here we’d only been serving at our first church for less than a year. Scott was still in seminary and we’d moved to what I termed the middle of nowhere (Owen County) and were just getting our feet wet in the ministry. I was excited about where we were, but I felt very underprepared and equipped to be a pastor’s wife. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do or how to do it. We came to Shepherding and I saw that pastor’s wives came in all ages, personalities, abilities and so on. I realized that I was not alone and that there were others who understood what I was going through. I was also thrilled that there was such an awesome conference for pastors and their wives. We loved the music, messages and everything. And we enjoyed just relaxing and being together. The conference was just what we needed.
A few years later we came here during a very difficult time in our lives and ministry. Things were not going well at all at the church we had served at for just about a year. Scott was miserable and contemplating leaving the ministry. I was frustrated, angry, hurt and scared. I wondered why we were even in the ministry and sometimes wished we weren’t. It was not a good time, but we came to Shepherding, and I met others who understood what we were going through. I heard messages of encouragement and I managed to sing songs of praise in the midst of a terrible storm. Coming to Shepherding didn’t solve all our problems, but it helped us get back on our feet a bit, relax a little and remember that even in the darkest hour, God is with us. The conference was just what we needed.
The last couple of years (and this year), we’ve come to Shepherding during a good time in our lives and ministry. The church we helped start almost five years ago is doing great. We have been very blessed. And we’ve lived in the same house for over two years (for a while it seemed like we moved every other day). We come here and enjoy reconnecting with friends, listening to great speakers, learning some things we’ll hopefully take home with us and praising God for who He is and all He has done. Oh yeah, and we eat. A lot. This conference is just what we need.
Well, time to go now. Tomorrow morning I’ll head down to enjoy a great breakfast and then the sessions. Friday night is date night and Scott and I are probably going to head out for dinner and a movie. Then Saturday, we’ll have another tasty breakfast, enjoy more sessions and then head home. We’ll have relaxed, enjoyed spending time together and been refreshed. The conference will have been just what we needed, just like it always is.
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posted by: Pam Cassady on January 14th, 2010
I was reading an article the other day about five phrases every pastor's family should know. (You can read it at www.lifeway.com/article/?id=162991&CID=PastorsToday-emailCRD20091123-ministers-family) They were all good, and I may talk about some others another time, but the one that hit me tonight was "I don't know."
I have no problem saying "I don't know." Here is what the article was talking about. You're at church and someone asks what the children are supposed to wear when they sing that evening. You have no children involved and are not involved yourself, but you are somehow supposed to know this because you are the pastor's wife. You're at home when the phone rings and someone wants to know whether or not the church has any crystal candlesticks and how many. You have no idea, but you are supposed to because you are the pastor's wife. And how about this... You in Sunday school and someone remembers an interesting passage they once read in the Bible. They ask you where to find it. You have heard of the passage, but have not idea where it is, but you are supposed to because you are the pastor's wife.
I remember when it finally dawned on a friend of mine that just because I was the pastor's wife I didn't know everything that was going on in the church. She had asked me something one day and I didn't know. She asked me something else another day and I didn't know. Seems like not long after, she again asked me a question about something going on in church and I couldn't answer it. "You really are out of the loop, aren't you?" she asked jokingly. We still joke about it and sometimes she'll start to ask me something and then say, "Oh, you probably don't know."
Sometimes as pastor's wives, we're expected to not only be in the loop but know where the loop is, what color it is and how it works. And I do believe that as the pastor's wife I should have a decent knowledge of our church and what is going on in it. But as to knowing every detail about everything, well, that's just not going to happen. In smaller churches this is expected even more. If you're at a really big church, there is no way you can know everything. But even at a smaller church, just because you are the pastor's wife you shouldn't be expected to be the answer queen.
It really is ok to not know everything. And it is ok to admit it. If I'm at church and someone asks me a question I don't know, I'll do my best to find someone who can help them. But some are surprised when I don't know. And they are even more surprised when my husband doesn't know, and even he doesn't sometimes.
Admitting I don't know everything, or even much of anything,
Pam
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posted by: Pam Cassady on January 12th, 2010
Well, it's 2010. Kinda hard to believe. Seems like all the hoopla over the year 2000 (Y2K and all that) wasn't that long ago. Now another decade is starting.
I think I blogged last year about not really believing in new year's resolutions. They are so quickly made and so easily broken. But I always do think the start of a new year is a great time to look back at the past year and think about what you accomplished or didn't accomplish and then set some new goals or recommit to previous ones. I've kept a journal over the years and the sad thing is, as I look back, many times what I want to accomplish is the same each year. Here is a typical list: lose weight, eat better, exercise, read my Bible more, pray more, be a better mom, be a better wife.
2009 was a pretty good year for me in some areas. The losing weight and exercising actually happened after having that as a goal for many, many years. I've dropped around 50 pounds (praise God!), exercise on a regular basis and feel more fit and better than I have in a long time. You know (and this is kind of a side bar), God gave us our bodies and we really should take care of them. Now, I am still no advertisement for the perfect picture of health and fitness. Not by a long shot. I like food, I still eat tasty, bad-for-me food, just not as much or as often as I once did. And while I am in better shape, I'm still no athlete. But I know that I feel better in general and plan to continue this trend in 2010.
While I did well in that area, others not so much. I started the year with the goal of reading through the Bible in a year. I got off to a great start. Was getting up early every morning to read and enjoying it. But somewhere around April, I missed a few days, then something else happened and then I got involved in a couple of Bible studies at church and my daily reading through in a year just got lost. Now, I will say the women's Sunday school class I teach has gone well and we've done three or four studies. And our women's ministry is picking back up. So those things are good, but I did let down on that morning Bible reading that really was good for me. As for praying more, can't really say I've done that.
Being a better mom and wife, not real sure about that either, though I will say that being in better shape has give me more energy with the kids and anyone with kids (one 8 the other 11) knows you need all the energy you can get. I rode bikes with them this year and that was great fun. Better wife, guess you'd have to ask my husband, though a little extra energy could also help my relationship with my husband I guess. ;)
Now that it's the start of 2010, I'm thinking once again of what I'd like to accomplish this year. Even though it is sometimes discouraging when you've tried to accomplish the same things over and over and feel like you're getting nowhere, the Bible gives us hope. At the start of a new year, I think of the verse about how in Christ we are a new creation, the old has passed away and the new has come. The isn 't just a one time event, it can keep happening as you keep giving more to Christ. And I think of how in Christ all things are possible.
So, tell me about your 2009 and what you hope for in 2010.
Happy New Year!
Pam
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posted by: Pam Cassady on January 1st, 2010
Just got back from our Christmas Eve Candlelight Service. It's one of my favorite services. Very simple but very good. It's like finally, after a month of craziness and busyness we come together to celebrate the birth of Christ. We sing a couple of songs, there is scripture reading and prayer, and we take communion. We go up for the communion, then get a candle and line up around the church. Then, when everyone is done, we begin to light the candles, starting with one and then each person lighting the person's next to them. I love to watch the light make its way around the church until finally all the candles are lit and we sing Silent Night. And you know, afterward you'd think everyone would want to be rushing off. I mean, it's getting late, Santa is coming and tomorrow is a busy day. But instead, people mingle, talk and wish each other a merry Christmas.
Sometimes now that I am older I miss some of the traditions we had when I was a child. This Christmas Eve service is one new tradition I am very happy we have developed.
And now, I wish you all a merry Christmas. And on Christmas Day, in the midst of all the gifts, food and celebration, let's all remember the reason we are celebrating and what Christmas is really all about.
Merry Christmas
Pam
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posted by: Pam Cassady on December 24th, 2009