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posted by: Brenda Smith on July 16th, 2010
I'm a preacher's wife. I should be used to goodbyes, right? We PWs move around a lot. And transitioning is one of our many talents. But even if we get used to goodbyes and transitions, it doesn't make them any easier. And so saying goodbye to the Homefront blog is not easy.
About four and a half years ago, we had just gone through a transition. Our second church had not gone well, it split and we had started a new church. We were six months into New Life and things were going great. I had always loved writing and, having been through a lot in a short time in the ministry, I had developed a heart for minister's wives. We had gotten to know some people at KBC and they knew I was a writer. I was asked to write for the new Homefront blog for minister's wives and I knew that God had opened this door for me to do something I enjoy and reach a group of people I love.
No one told me exactly what to write, just to write about things that PWs deal with. That was easy enough. I wrote about pressures on preachers' kids, figuring out my role as a PW, dealing with people in church who hurt you, being yourself, embracing your own skills and gifts, and so much more. And I always tried to be honest and real. In sharing my own journey, struggles, successes and life, I hope I helped or at least entertained our readers.
PWs are a special group. I am honored to have been one for around ten years and I am even more honored to have had a chance to write for such a great, diverse, talented, giving and all-around amazing women. I loved it when people commented on a blog, often agreeing, sometimes disagreeing, but always engaging and sharing. I appreciate your reading. I am no one special, just a woman who never imagined she'd be a preacher's wife managing that role the best I could. And, like a good PW, I am now embracing our latest transition as my husband goes back into teaching high school.
My journey as a PW may be over, but others are just beginning or are in the midst of their journey. We PWs need to support, love and encourage one another. And while I will no longer be blogging, the blog will continue with Kasey Beckham as the blogger. I'm sure you'll learn more about her and the future Homefront soon.
Thanks for reading. I have been blessed by getting to know some of you on the blog and in person. I will miss this blog and you. And now, as I close, a song we often sing at the end of our Shepherding the Shepherd confernce has come to mind....
May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my heart's testing
With Your likeness let me wake.
God bless,
Pam
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posted by: Pam Cassidy on June 30th, 2010
Our new blogger will be Kasey Beckham. Her husband serves as pastor in Flemingsburg. Kasey has 2 small children, a career and a hectic life, as I’m sure many of you do. She will introduce herself and her family to you very soon. Kasey, welcome aboard.
As Kasey takes the reins, we'll be transitioning to a new blog platform (WordPress) and a whole new look. We'll let you know when the new blog is launched so you can join us there.
Ladies, keep on blogging. We appreciate your comments and your readership. Again Pam, our prayers and fond thoughts are with you. Please keep blogging with us and let us know how you are doing. Thank you again.
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posted by: Peggy Berry on June 25th, 2010
So, for the first time in around 10 years, I'm faced with the question of where to go to church on Sunday morning. Since Scott became pastor of Dallasburg Baptist Church in Wheatley in 2000, we've chosen a church based on it being the place he pastored. Easy enough. Now, he's not a pastor and we've got to figure out where to go next. This is not something I'm looking forward to.
For one thing, New Life, which we are leaving, is a really awesome church. I love the people, the music, the atmosphere...everything. If I were looking for a church in this area, New Life would be my first choice. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are many good churches around here, but I'm not sure there are many quite like New Life. Could be I'm a little partial since we helped start the church, but it really is a great and unique place. It would be so much easier to find a new church if we really didn't like the one we are leaving, but I can't complain bacause I feel blessed to have been a part of the first five years at New Life.
One of the first questions people ask upon finding out Scott is no longer going to be a pastor is "where will you go to church." And we have discussed this. We've got a few on a short list that we plan to try, but at this point, we really don't feel pulled in any one direction. Scott is most concerned about the preaching and wanting to be feed solid, Biblical truth by someone with a gift for sharing the gospel. But we both want to make sure it is a place that will be good for the kids. We don't want it to be too far from home because that makes being involved more difficult. I enjoy the contemporary praise and worship music, but don't want to be in a place where I feel like I'm at a rock concert.
It's a time of transition for us. While we want to take our time and find the right church for our family and go where God wants us, we don't want to take too long. Visiting a new church each week is tiring. It would be very easy to just decide to stay home one Sunday, then another and then another. When you are the pastor and his famliy, you pretty much have to go to church. No have to for us any more.
While I say I'm not looking forward to the search, I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us. It will be nice for Scott to just enjoy being a member instead of the pastor. It will be nice to not have the pressure on us of being the pastor's family. And it will be nice to, once again, find a place we call our church home.
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posted by: Pam Cassady on June 16th, 2010
So, tomorrow is Scott's last day preaching at New Life Baptist Church. I'm not sure entirely how I feel about that. While moving onto this next phase of life is exciting, it also means some dreams of a different future have to die (but that is a topic for another blog and even though Scott's last day is tomorrow, mine isn't until the end of the month!) So, the thing that is on my mind tonight is what I mentioned in my last blog and that is this: Should pastors and their wives make friends in the church? I think this is a topic that is of interest to most PWs. One reader sent an email about it when she heard I was going to talk about it. She said she had always been advided by other PWs that it isn't wise to be friends with people in her church and I've heard that a lot. Personally, I don't buy it. I think you have to have friends in the congregation, but I think there also have to be some boundaries. So, here is what I think of pastors and their wives making friends with churchmembers.
To be honest, I'm not sure how you can avoid making friends in a church. It's almost sort of bound to happen. When you become the pastor and family at a church, you're often in a new place. Church is gong to be one of the main places you begin meeting people. If you work, you have that, but the church is your husband's work, so obviously that is where he's going to meet most people. You're together for so much, from Sunday school and VBS to mission trips and special events. You just spend time with your church members. As you do, it's only normal that you are going to make friends with some. And children often bring you together. Your children become friends so you start hanging out and spending more time together outside of church. Or maybe it's someone older in the church who you admire and trust and you begin to form a bond.
I'm so glad I've had friends in churches. They make the good times more fun and the bad times a bit more bearable.
Now, here is what you have to watch out for. One thing, just because you are friends with a certain person or people, you can't just hang out with them. As the pastor and the PW, you need to be "friends" with everyone. You can't just stick with one group and ignore everyone else. Second thing, you have to watch out for people who want to be your close friend just because you are the PW. I've never had that happen, but it can be dangerous if someone befriends you just to use you or get dirt on you. So you do have to be careful. Don't just rush into a church and buddy up with the first person who shows you any attention. Proceed with caution. And that leads to one of the biggest....you really can't always tell even your closest friend in the congregation everything. You have to have some boundaries.
A couple of examples. When things were really bad at our second church (which ended up splitting) I had a couple of pretty good friends in the church. They knew things weren't good and while I would admit that to them, I never went into the details or talked about any specific people. And when Scott was going through various times of considering doing something else with his life, I didn't share that with my church friends. And toward the end, when he was really getting serious about going back into teaching, it began to get hard to not share that with friends. But some things a PW just has to keep to herself, at least for a while.
Now, there are execptions to every rule. If you can't keep your mouth shut and tend to share too much info on a regular basis, you might need to think twice before becoming close friends with church members. And if you have been in a church for years and have really close friends, you may be able to tell them everything. Trust is build over years.
And on the topic of friends, it is fabulous if you have a really good friend who is not in your church. I am blessed to have two very dear friends from before I was even married. They've never gone to a church where we've served and don't even live in the same towns, and I can tell them anything. I can let them know what's really going on and how I feel and when I am hurt and afraid and angry and doubting and all those things that we have to put aside sometimes. Having those two old friends is huge.
And you know, having other PWs to talk to is great as well. We can understand each other like no one else. And we understand how important it is to take what we hear and lock it away.
So, PWs, go out there and make friends. Make lots of casual friends that you enjoy being with and doing things with, and then, if it works out, make a few closer friends over time. If you're lucky, you'll keep those friends for a lifetime, whether you stay at one church or move on.
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posted by: Pam Cassady on June 5th, 2010