Quiet doesn't last long around here. Now Caleb is up and soon I'll begin the tasks of getting us all ready to go out the door. I've been meaning to blog for a while, but seems like there is always something going on, and I am addicted to the Olympics. I don't like weeks when there is something to do pretty much every night. I find myself looking ahead to a night when I can finally just be home and relax. Tonight I've got to go to the Chamber of Commerce Dinner. Tomorrow night Sarah has a birthday party. Saturday night some we're having dinner with friends. And Sunday night, going to dinner with the women's ministry team to make some plans for upcoming events. Whew. In the midst of all that there are all the normal things like work, church, kids' basketball games, laundry, cleaning the house, going to the grocery, and, oh yeah, getting a bunch of stuff ready to sell in a local childrens consignment sale. I know your lives are just as busy and crazy. No wonder we long for quiet time and no wonder God encourages it. He knows we need it.

Well, it's time to get going. Gotta get Sarah out of bed and that is no easy task. Then there are clothes to get ready, lunches to make, backpacks to pack and out the door we'll go. Have a good day and enjoy those quiet moments when you get one.

10.) On our date night I just need to make a few hospital visits.

9.) I think I should go back to seminary.l

8.) It's funny how God always calls a pastor to a church that pays more.

7.) I noticed your family went to bed early last night.

6.) I  can't believe the pastor's wife would do (or say or think) that.

5.) If it were my child I would want to know.

4.) Are you visiting with us today?

3.) I have been asked to do a funeral/wedding/baptism.

2.) Dear Lord, thank you for our pastor and his family.

1.) Well done my good and faithful servant.

Obviously, some things on the list we really do want to hear and others, not so much. Number 9 was familiar to me. I thought my husband would never get out of seminary and when he did he started talking about going back. He hasn't mentioned it in a while, thank goodness.

So tell me which ones resonate with you? Funny or serious. Or add your own to our list.

The first year we came here we’d only been serving at our first church for less than a year. Scott was still in seminary and we’d moved to what I termed the middle of nowhere (Owen County) and were just getting our feet wet in the ministry. I was excited about where we were, but I felt very underprepared and equipped to be a pastor’s wife. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do or how to do it. We came to Shepherding and I saw that pastor’s wives came in all ages, personalities, abilities and so on. I realized that I was not alone and that there were others who understood what I was going through. I was also thrilled that there was such an awesome conference for pastors and their wives. We loved the music, messages and everything. And we enjoyed just relaxing and being together. The conference was just what we needed.

A few years later we came here during a very difficult time in our lives and ministry. Things were not going well at all at the church we had served at for just about a year. Scott was miserable and contemplating leaving the ministry. I was frustrated, angry, hurt and scared. I wondered why we were even in the ministry and sometimes wished we weren’t. It was not a good time, but we came to Shepherding, and I met others who understood what we were going through. I heard messages of encouragement and I managed to sing songs of praise in the midst of a terrible storm. Coming to Shepherding didn’t solve all our problems, but it helped us get back on our feet a bit, relax a little and remember that even in the darkest hour, God is with us. The conference was just what we needed.

The last couple of years (and this year), we’ve come to Shepherding during a good time in our lives and ministry. The church we helped start almost five years ago is doing great. We have been very blessed. And we’ve lived in the same house for over two years (for a while it seemed like we moved every other day). We come here and enjoy reconnecting with friends, listening to great speakers, learning some things we’ll hopefully take home with us and praising God for who He is and all He has done. Oh yeah, and we eat. A lot. This conference is just what we need.

Well, time to go now. Tomorrow morning I’ll head down to enjoy a great breakfast and then the sessions. Friday night is date night and Scott and I are probably going to head out for dinner and a movie. Then Saturday, we’ll have another tasty breakfast, enjoy more sessions and then head home. We’ll have relaxed, enjoyed spending time together and been refreshed. The conference will have been just what we needed, just like it always is.

I have no problem saying "I don't know." Here is what the article was talking about. You're at church and someone asks what the children are supposed to wear when they sing that evening. You have no children involved and are not involved yourself, but you are somehow supposed to know this because you are the pastor's wife. You're at home when the phone rings and someone wants to know whether or not the church has any crystal candlesticks and how many. You have no idea, but you are supposed to because you are the pastor's wife. And how about this... You in Sunday school and someone remembers an interesting passage they once read in the Bible. They ask you where to find it. You have heard of the passage, but have not idea where it is, but you are supposed to because you are the pastor's wife.

I remember when it finally dawned on a friend of mine that just because I was the pastor's wife I didn't know everything that was going on in the church. She had asked me something one day and I didn't know. She asked me something else another day and I didn't know. Seems like not long after, she again asked me a question about something going on in church and I couldn't answer it. "You really are out of the loop, aren't you?" she asked jokingly. We still joke about it and sometimes she'll start to ask me something and then say, "Oh, you probably don't know."

Sometimes as pastor's wives, we're expected to not only be in the loop but know where the loop is, what color it is and how it works. And I do believe that as the pastor's wife I should have a decent knowledge of our church and what is going on in it. But as to knowing every detail about everything, well, that's just not going to happen. In smaller churches this is expected even more. If you're at a really big church, there is no way you can know everything. But even at a smaller church, just because you are the pastor's wife you shouldn't be expected to be the answer queen.

It really is ok to not know everything. And it is ok to admit it. If I'm at church and someone asks me a question I don't know, I'll do my best to find someone who can help them. But some are surprised when I don't know. And they are even more surprised when my husband doesn't know, and even he doesn't sometimes.

Admitting I don't know everything, or even much of anything,

Pam

I think I blogged last year about not really believing in new year's resolutions. They are so quickly made and so easily broken. But I always do think the start of a new year is a great time to look back at the past year and think about what you accomplished or didn't accomplish and then set some new goals or recommit to previous ones. I've kept a journal over the years and the sad thing is, as I look back, many times what I want to accomplish is the same each year. Here is a typical list: lose weight, eat better, exercise, read my Bible more, pray more, be a better mom, be a better wife.

2009 was a pretty good year for me in some areas. The losing weight and exercising actually happened after having that as a goal for many, many years. I've dropped around 50 pounds (praise God!), exercise on a regular basis and feel more fit and better than I have in a long time. You know (and this is kind of a side bar), God gave us our bodies and we really should take care of them. Now, I am still no advertisement for the perfect picture of health and fitness. Not by a long shot. I like food, I still eat tasty, bad-for-me food, just not as much or as often as I once did. And while I am in better shape, I'm still no athlete. But I know that I feel better in general and plan to continue this trend in 2010.

While I did well in that area, others not so much. I started the year with the goal of reading through the Bible in a year. I got off to a great start. Was getting up early every morning to read and enjoying it. But somewhere around April, I missed a few days, then something else happened and then I got involved in a couple of Bible studies at church and my daily reading through in a year just got lost. Now, I will say the women's Sunday school class I teach has gone well and we've done three or four studies. And our women's ministry is picking back up. So those things are good, but I did let down on that morning Bible reading that really was good for me. As for praying more, can't really say I've done that.

Being a better mom and wife, not real sure about that either, though I will say that being in better shape has give me more energy with the kids and anyone with kids (one 8 the other 11) knows you need all the energy you can get. I rode bikes with them this year and that was great fun. Better wife, guess you'd have to ask my husband, though a little extra energy could also help my relationship with my husband I guess. ;)

Now that it's the start of 2010, I'm thinking once again of what I'd like to accomplish this year. Even though it is sometimes discouraging when you've tried to accomplish the same things over and over and feel like you're getting nowhere, the Bible gives us hope. At the start of a new year, I think of the verse about how in Christ we are a new creation, the old has passed away and the new has come. The isn 't just a one time event, it can keep happening as you keep giving more to Christ. And I think of how in Christ all things are possible.

So, tell me about your 2009 and what you hope for in 2010.

Happy New Year!

Pam

Sometimes now that I am older I miss some of the traditions we had when I was a child. This Christmas Eve service is one new tradition I am very happy we have developed.

And now, I wish you all a merry Christmas. And on Christmas Day, in the midst of all the gifts, food and celebration, let's all remember the reason we are celebrating and what Christmas is really all about.

Merry Christmas

Pam

Last year we didn't have an open house. Just didn't feel like it. But this year I was ready to go and yesterday and today have been pretty much full time prep. I've got cranberry cookies, lemon cookies, cookie dough truffles, meringue surprises, ham rolls, peanut butter fudge, veggies and chips and dips, brownies, meatballs and more.

I did an open house at our first church. Basically, it was and is just my way of wishing our church family a merry Christmas. I can't get everyone a gift, so instead we clean house, do a lot of cooking and welcome everyone into our home for food and fellowship. It's a lot of work, but I enjoy it. I'm really looking forward to it this year because we've got a lot of new families in our church and I hope they come. I also love how the house looks about as close to perfect as it gets when we do open house. Everything is clean and the clutter is put away and the Christmas decorations are out. It's great.

Well, I think I am about ready for bed. Tomorrow will be a busy day but it will be a good one. Hope you are having a great Christmas season. And if you have special holiday celebrations or traditions you want to share, please let us know about them.

About to OD on sugar,

Pam

So after we talked about all the stuff we do to get ready for Christmas, we talked about how all of that stuff isn't what we should be focusing on at all. Getting ready for Christmas is about focusing on the real meaning of Christmas and preparing our hearts to celebrate the birth of Christ. In our society, it is so easy to be distracted by all the things going on around the holidays, but as Christians we should keep the focus on the reason for Christmas.

We shared a few ways families can focus on the real meaning of Christmas. Things like having a family advent ceremony, going to special services, telling the Christmas story and such. I remember when I was growing up, my cousins and I would always put on a little play telling the story from Luke 2. We would do our play, then our family would sing Silent Night. This was all before we would open our gifts. It was our way of taking time to remember why we were celebrating.

You know, pastors' families are just as likely to get caught up in the busyness of the holidays as anyone else. Maybe even more so because Christmas is a busy time for those in the ministry. It takes effort keep our families focused on the real meaning of Christmas. If you have any thoughts on how to do that, I'd love to hear them.

Getting ready for Christmas, hopefully the right way,

Pam

One of our regular bloggers, Stephanie, gave me the idea for this blog. She emailed me to say she is doing a Bible study for minister's wives called "In Our Shoes." She said one of the first activites suggested in the study was to make a list of things you like about being a minister's wife. She thought that would make a good blog topic and I agreed. So here goes...

I like that I get to know so many wonderful families and be a part of their lives.

I like that my husband is devoted to God and serving him.

I like that I get to see and experience how God can use a church to make a difference in the world.

I like that I can be myself in our church and they accept me.

OK, that's a start. Now you all add some of your own and we'll see what all we get.

Liking being a PW,

Pam

The event runs from a Thursday to Saturday and features great times of praise and worship, excellent speakers and terrific breakout sessions. And there is plenty of time to relax as well. The food is great and you have time to meet up with friends and make new ones. And Friday afternoon and evening are left open for couples to enjoy a date night. The goal is really to help couples get refreshed and renewed and reconnect with God and each other.

I think this will be our seventh trip to Shepherding. The first time we went we were blown away we had such a great time. We had only been in the ministry for a short while and we were thrilled to find this amazing getaway. Since that first time, we've come to Shepherding in the midst of various situations. The year I remember most is the year we were having a terrible time at a church and, though we didn't know it at the time, were about to go through a church split. We were both tired and broken and weren't sure what the future held. Shepherding gave us the encouragement we needed and gave us a chance to get away from things for a while.

Now we are in a much better situation, but we still enjoy and need the get-away. We simply have a good time there. The praise and worship is great, we enjoy the speakers and break-outs, and we love talking with people during the meals. Of course two nights in a hotel with no kids is a wonderful thing, and date night is always fun. And all the KBC workers are always so friendly and helpful. It's hard to explain, but if you've been there you know it is just a great atmosphere.

So, if you've already got reservations, good for you. If not, find out more on the KBC website, www.kybaptist.org, and get registered now. Hope to see you there!

Ready for our retreat,

Pam

For a while, Halloween was simply an excuse to buy candy and eat candy corn. Then we had kids, and the fun began again. Caleb was the cutest little pumpkin ever his first Halloween and Sarah was an adorable lady bug. Each year, they look forward to choosing a costume then hitting the streets with plastic pumpkins in hand. When we lived in Wheatley, which was a small town with a few houses around the church, people from the outlying areas would gather at the church and the kids would walk around and collect candy. Then the volunteer firefighters would block off the road and all the kids would go parading through town to the few houses nearby. How great is that. Now we live in Auburn and Halloween is great here. The streets are filled and we walk all over town. Along the way we always see lots of friends.

Here's the thing...some Christians would say we shouldn't celebrate Halloween. They most often point to the holiday's pagan roots and emphasis on evil and the occult. Though I understand how some might be concerned about some aspects of the holiday, I personally have never had a problem with it. Now, if most people celebrated Halloween be actually conjuring up evil spirits and practicing pagan rituals, then I would not want to participate and wouldn't let my children. But the fact is, Halloween as celebrated by the average American is just a fun night night for kids to dress up and get lots of candy. Sometimes adults will use it as an excuse to dress up and have a party as well.

So, how do the rest of you PWs feel? I know this is an issue that many church leaders have to deal with. Our church holds a trunk-or-treat, where people decorate their trunks and hand out candy.  Some trunks are decorated in fall decor, others in more scary themes. It's all in good fun. I know some churches hold Harvest Fests and such.

When I started thinking about this, I looked at Theopedia which offers a fairly succinct look at both sides of the situation. Check out www.theopedia.com/Halloween. And let me know what you believe about this. If you disagree, tell me.

As for me, I'm looking forward to Halloween, spending time with the kids walking the streets of our small town and having a great time.

Craving some candy,

Pam

Kids are back in school and all is going well. They've already had fall break here. We spent a few days visiting cousins in Alabama. Six kids ages 8 to 15 makes for a fun time. School is going well and Caleb has adjusted well to middle school.  Sarah loves second grade. She turned 8 on Sunday and I can't believe that. She is my girl and she is growing up so quickly.

I went to my 20 year high school reunion. That was fun. Again, hard to believe how quickly time has gone by. It can't have been 20 years since we were seniors in high school. It was great seeing people I hadn't seen in years and finding out what is going on in their lives. I was very lucky in high school to have an amazing core group of friends. We have kept in touch over the years and see each other every so often. We remembered the good times and talked about anything and everything.

Church is busy and good. This week people are working to spruce up the place. Our church is in what used to be a grocery store, it is far from fancy, and it is well used. So the goal is to do some thorough cleaning, painting and basic repair work. While all this is going on, we'll have our outdoor service this Sunday. We do this a couple of times a year. Last fall it was hot, this spring it was cold and it looks like Sunday may be pretty chilly. But we always have a great time at the park, so chilly or not, we'll be out there worshipping.

On the women's ministry front, we are soon heading out for our annual ladies' night out to Shogun. That is always a good night of fellowship. And then we are planning a day retreat in November. It is called Sweet Life Cafe from Group. We've done a couple of others like this from Group and they work out great. But with October half over I am beginning to feel the date sneaking up on me. Like I said, time has been getting away from me lately. But we have a lot of good women who will work with me to put this together and with God's help, I know things will come together. I pray it will be a great day of fellowship, worship, fun and growth.

Well, that's it from my end. Now tell me what's new in your life.

Moving right along,

Pam

While that back seat is cool (I'm tempted to try it out myself), it is not the coolest thing about this new car. The coolest thing about the new car is that it is a gift from God. We did not buy, finance or steal this new vehicle. No relative or bank gave us a loan for it. We did nothing to get this car except pray.

We have two really old cars and one fairly old van. One of the old cars doesn't even run and the other, which my husband used most of the time, literally putted along. You'd give it some gas and sometimes it would move quickly and sometimes not so much. And sometimes as it picked up speed it sounded like one of those old-timey cars you ride at places like Holiday World. Very loud. The radio was broken and the AC put out only enough air to get your hopes up. But it ran, and it was paid for, and we didn't have the money for anything else.

But when your best vehicle, the van, is ten years old and has 160,000 miles on it, you kind of start feeling like maybe you need something a little newer. And so, we  prayed. I'll admit I wasn't very persistant in my prayers, but I think Scott was-- probably because he was the one who ended up in the run-down car most of the time. Then one day, on my husband's birthday actually, we learned that someone in the church was going to buy us a car. They didn't have a lot of money to spend on it, but they saw our need and wanted to do what they could to help out. They asked a man in our congregation who is really good with cars, to find the best deal he could for the money. And now we have a new car in our driveway.

How great is that?! And what a great example of how God provides for our needs.

You know, it was sometimes tempting to try to get a newer car on our own. We could have taken a loan, but we didn't want to do that. Instead, we waited. In waiting, we gave God time to do what He wanted to do. The person who gave us the car wanted to remain anonymous. We thanked them through the man who found the car and I thank them now for being so generous and letting God use them.

So, I just wanted to share our good news and a testimony of how God provides.

Looking forward to driving the new car, if my husband ever lets me,

Pam

Beth's main scripture was most of Psalm 37, with the emphasis on Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." She made several good points from the passage, but her first one is something I've really been thinking about. It was this: Nothing dictates our lives like our desires. At the end of the day, she said, we pretty much do what we want to do.

So what I got to thinking about is what do I really desire. We all know the correct answers. Things like, I desire to live a life devoted to God first and family second, I desire to study God's word and spend more time in prayer, I desire a life that makes a difference and brings people to Christ. Those are the things we are supposed to desire. Especially us, being pastor's wives and all. But when it gets right down to it, are those the things I really desire? I've come to a couple of conclusions about that.

First, though I may say I desire such things, they really aren't at the top of my list. If they were, I think I would live my life differently. I would make more time for those things, for one thing. Like I may say I desire to study God's word, but do I get up earlier to do so or make time in the evening? Not always. I don't know.

Second, while I may actually desire those things, I guess maybe the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Like Paul said, what I do not want to do, I do and what I want to do, I don't do (my own little paraphrase). But that is so true. It is so easy to just get distracted by life that we let the important things fall to the side.

Beth made many other points along those lines. Just so you know where she went with it, the other points were:

*Beneath the desires of our hearts is the heart of our desires.

*Delighting in God adapts our desires into inevitabilities.

*Nothing external can steal our right to delight.

*To make room for delight, we have to commit.

*Nothing is passive about patiently waiting for desire to turn into delight.

*Till faith becomes sight, trust God and do good.

All good points to ponder. Let me know what you think. Anyone else catch the simulcast? I'd like to hear your thoughts on it.

Now, it is always hard for our chilrdren's leader to find enough workers for Wednesday night. About mid-way through the summer, I heard there were not enough teachers for Wednesday night and she didn't have anyone for preschool. Yikes. Now, I had to fight my instinct as a pastor's wife to step in and say, ok, I'll do it. I mean, if there is a need and we have anything close to the ability to fill it, then aren't we supposed to? That's what some think. But I knew that I needed to step back and take some time to figure out what I needed to do next. Take some time and find my new place instead of just jumping into whatever. And so, even as I fretted a bit about whether or not there would be enough teachers, I did not volunteer for anything.

One lesson here is to let go and let God. All the teaching positions were filled. Some people who had not been involved have stepped into new roles. The preschool class has two great teachers and I know they will do a wonderful job in there and hopefully bring new energy to the class. The whole program did not fall apart because I did not volunteer to help.

It was strange tonight, going and not having anything to do. Or children's leader (I love her) asked why I was even there. Another friend told me to get out while I could. But I wanted to stay. It's not that I did not want to be around or involved on Wednesday nights, I just needed to get out of preschool and wanted to give myself some time before jumping right into anything else. I'll admit I felt a little guilty not having anything to do. But I was there to help if needed. As it turned out, the kindergarten and first grade class needed an assistant. I volunteered. Our  children's leader gave me a look and said it would only be for tonight. I said I didn't mind and I really didn't. I am happy to help out where I'm needed. The funny thing was, almost all the preschoolers I'd been with for the last couple of years were in that class!

Still finding my place

Pam

I'm guilty of it sometimes and maybe I have been recently. I'm generally a positive, glass is half full kind of person, but sometimes I get distracted. So, what should you do when you find yourself focusing on what you don't have? One obvious answer is to focus more on what you do have. One way to do that is, like the old hymn says, count your many blessings. Here goes...

I am blessed with a husband who loves me, loves God, loves our children and has chosen to live his life in service to God. I have two wonderful, beautiful, smart children who amaze and entertain me. I have a great mom who lives in our town and helps out in so many ways I can't even begin to list them and we enjoy each other's company. I have other family close by who are wonderful and there for us when we need them. I have a job doing something I enjoy, writing, and work with a fun and fabulous group of people who have become my dear friends and who don't treat me like a preacher's wife. We are serving at a church that is awesome; filled with wonderful people, a great atmosphere of worship, a terrific welcoming spirit, and, well, it's just a great place to be. After years of renting and living in parsonages, we finally own a home and it is very nice and comfortable. I've been working out, have lost a lot of weight and feel better than I have in years.  I like our little town, the school is good and we know a lot of good people who work there.

I could go on and doing that really was good for me. I am so very blessed. No, my life is not perfect, but it is very, very good. Sure, I could focus on that supposedly greener grass on the other side, but what good is that going to do me? I'd be wasting my time searching for greener grass when all along the grass under my own feet is a lovely shade of green too.

Now, tell me about your green grass.

As I look back here on our time in Auburn it has been a crazy ride. We've had some down times but now things are going really well. Through it all God has been faithful. And through it all, I think we've managed to keep the lives of our children as stable as could be through some trying times. God has blessed us with good friends and a good school here in Auburn.

So tonight I'm writing as a mom who is about to send her oldest child to middle school. I can't believe Caleb is staring sixth grade. Yikes. Seems like only yesterday (cliche again, sorry) that I was sending him off to kindergarten. Now he is a tween entering adolesence and the transitional world of middle school. I'm not ready for that. When he was a baby and then a toddler I thought how much easier life would be when he was older. And in some ways it is. He's more independent, can do more things with me and is sometimes a pretty fun kid to be around. But when I think of the years ahead, I think how much easier it was to protect him and care for him when he was just a baby. Now he will be out on his own more and more. He'll deal with bullies, peer pressure, girls, and so much more. And while I can be there for him to love and support him, I can't always be there with him while he's dealing with these things. More and more often, he will be left to make his own choices.

Sometimes I feel like we've done a pretty good job at raising Caleb thus far, and other times I feel like we've messed up. I guess nobody is perfect as a parent. We've done well in some areas and not as well in others. One thing we have tried to do is teach him about God and the importance of living for Him. Caleb accepted Christ a few years ago. We haven't done a great job discipling him and I realize that is something we need to work on. We're lucky that he is a pretty good kid in general. But as he enters the teen years, he'll need an even stronger faith than he has now.

One thing I have realized. In the end, Scott and I can't raise Caleb on our own. We can give it our best shot, but ultimately, we have to turn him over to God. I need to pray for my son more often too. Because when he faces situations and I'm not there with him, I hope he knows God is with him and can give him the strength and courage he needs.

So, to all the parents sending their children off to school, whether they're just starting kindergarten or getting ready to graduate, let's agree to pray more often for our children in whatever stage of life they are in.

P.S. If you have any advice on dealing with middle schoolers, send it my way!

Looking back, I realize some of the financial mistakes we made. One was thinking we knew what the future held. When Scott went to graduate school in physics, we bought a new car and some furniture on credit. We figured he'd be out in a couple of years and be making good money. Obviously, things did not go as planned. And thoughout the years, we relied a little too much on credit. That and the fact that we weren't really on a budget caused us to get into more debt than we should have. We're still paying for those mistakes. Now, on the plus side, we've always paid our bills and we've never had creditors after us. But we still need to improve our financial situation.

A little over a year ago, Scott and I took the Crown Financial Ministries class and it was very good and practical. We did pretty well during the class, put what we had learned to action and were on the road, slow though it was, to getting ourselves in better shape financially. But then we got busy, and there were unexpected expenses, and the next thing we know we are off our budget.

Living on a budget, especially a tight one, is no fun. But I do believe it is very important to getting your finances under control. I know we need to get back on ours so we can refocus on getting out of debt and being better stewards of the money God has entrusted to us.

Are finances a challenge for you? If so, how do you deal with them? And as we try to get back on track, I'd love any practical advice any of you have on saving money and living on less.

I'm very thankful for all we have. I know we are blessed. I just want to take better care of all God has given us.

Looking for some good advice,

Pam

"This is a random thought, but I needed to ask this question that's been weighing me down this week. Does anybody else take it personally when people leave your church? Whenever a person or family has a problem or issue with something in our church they often stop coming. Sometimes they even call to tell us their issue and that they won't be back. I know that as the pastor & wife we are not the church, and often the problem is not with us directly. However, it still feels personal. The people who leave are members of our family, people we have invested our lives in, people we love. It hurts when they leave. I know that a pastor's wife needs to have thick skin and a soft heart, but separating those emotions is hard."

I think if you've been in the ministry for any time at all, you've probably experienced this and I can so identify with that. It is rarely easy when someone leaves the church, although there are sometimes what can be referred to as "blessed subtractions." But even then, it can still be hard and harder still is when it is someone you were close to who leaves. We've had people leave for various reasons, from doctrine to hurt feelings. Sometimes people leave quietly and just sort of stop coming. In a way, that is easier, but sometimes then you just wonder why they left. Others make more of a production of it, talking to the pastor or others and feeling like they have to explain their decision and justify their actions. Those situations can get even more complicated and stressful, especially if they talk to a lot of people about why they are leaving.

But the fact is, however and whyever it happens, it can be hard to deal with. It is hard to not take it personally, but that is what we have to do. I am actually pretty good at having a thick skin because usually the reasons are not anything personal and can even be petty. And I figure if a person is not happy at our church then they should go somewhere else. That said, it can still hurt. You can't help put personalize things sometimes. I think it is harder for my husband than me.

So, any thoughts on this subject? How do you deal with people leaving? Any examples?

Having been to a lot of churches, I know you can't and shouldnt' judge a church by one visit or experience. But first impressions are imporant. I'm wondering you guys feel about the friendliness of your churches. What kind of first, and lasting, impressions do your churches make?

Now if I thought our current church was unfriendly, I wouldn't even touch this topic with a ten-foot pole! But the honest truth is I think our church is super friendly. Really. One of the best compliments I've ever heard given to our church was from a first-time visitor who said ours was the first church that when she looked around at the people, they looked like they actually wanted to be there. How cool is that? We have greeters at the doors and they are great, but I think what means more is the people who just say hello because they want to. We have lots of those. And I think we do a good job of trying to connect people when they come in.

I do realize that someone could come to our church and have a bad experience. We are not perfect and we do drop the ball sometimes. And sometimes it is hard to know what a person is looking for and how they judge a church. I heard someone once say to me that they had visited a church a few times and it was ok, but the pastor's wife had never even said hello or introduced herself. Wow! I sure hope our guests aren't judging their experience based on what I do. I try to say hello to new people, but I don't always get to. We are growing and there are a lot of people around. I teach Sunday school and have two kids. I can easily miss seeing someone. I'm happy to meet and greet visitors, and I genuinely like getting to know new people, but I may miss a few.

So, what makes a friendly church? Is your church friendly and how important is that perception? And what role do we pastor's wives play in the friendliness factor?

Pam